So, this is my personal opinion, and I think this is what makes me different from other Navajo people. So, the way that I think about it is, yes, it is sad. It is sad that it’s a loss. I don’t speak my native language; I am not tied to the culture that way. But, from the way that I feel, the Book of Mormon is my true culture. The Book of Mormon contains who I really am, and it tells of Jesus Christ and His interactions with the people who were here, who were indigenous to this land. And to me, that’s the true history. And I hold on to that, and I have a very strong connection to the Book of Mormon because of that. And I know that my ultimate culture—if I have one, or if I have an ultimate identity—is I’m a daughter of God, and He will make it right. And it’s not my fault that I don’t know these things.
I remember in elementary school, I went to an elementary school that had a high population of Native Americans in Flagstaff, so they offered different services geared towards Native American children. I remember I was being assessed to see how well I spoke English. My parents didn’t teach me Navajo because they wanted me to speak without an accent. So, I was in this elementary school, and I remember I went with this—she was Navajo herself, and she was assessing my English levels. First, she started with she wanted to know how much Navajo I knew, and I only knew basic words.
And I remember she scolded me, she was like—I remembered very well because it hurt—she was saying, “Why don’t you know this? Where’s your mom? Where’s your grandpa? Where’s your grandma? How do you not know this?” Like, she was annoyed. And I remember thinking, “It’s not my fault.” Like, I didn’t, as a baby, go up to my mom and say, “Don’t teach me.” I didn’t say, “Don’t take me to ceremonies.” Or I didn’t tell my grandma, “No, actually I don’t want to be a part of this.” None of them made it their goal to say, “Sit here. I’m going to teach you how to weave.” None of them said, “Hey, at family gatherings, we’re only going to speak Navajo.” But it was almost like this… like my mom used to say to us, “Well, you guys didn’t want to.” It’s almost like it was my responsibility to be Navajo when I didn’t really have that guidance to be Navajo. And so, I guess if I were to have a soapbox that would be one, where I’m like, “Stop punishing Native youth, especially today, for that cultural loss when it’s something that is bigger than us.” To me, it’s tied to, like I said, this historical trauma. It’s tied to all of these things, and instead of trying to put blame on, “Oh, it’s the white men, his fault. Or it’s these kids, they don’t want to learn.” We should put our energies into saying, “These things happen. Let’s heal, and then let’s teach, and let’s guide.” And so, yeah, that’s how I feel about that. But I think that my mom—to go back to your original question—I think personally, I think she was feeling the same way that I did where she’s Navajo but then she was living with this family who showed her a lot of love and learning these things, and how do you put those two worlds together?