My mom always said that being a matriarch is very important because you pretty well look over your family. And you’re kind of like the boss, but you don’t have to do everything, you just tell them to do what you want done. That type of thing. My mom was the youngest in her family and it comes from the oldest, the next one, the next one, they become matriarch and she was the last one. And so most of her family was all gone when she was the matriarch—she didn’t have anybody to boss around. I have an older sister; her name is Dolores. She was the matriarch of our family. [chokes up] When she died, I was just like, “Oh no, I’m next.” And my sisters all know responsibility and even my brother, Ben, he’s the patriarch, in the LDS way. And he always told my sister that “You respect your sister. Do as she says. She has a lot of good example.” It just seem[ed] like they didn’t want to listen. But I did as much as I could just for my mom. I took care of my mom and that was the most important thing. Just being there to—if you’re having a party, you’re there getting things ready, getting the food ready and [direct people to] “bring this,” “do this,” there’s always some type of leadership is what a matriarch does—the leadership ability.
Well, the matriarch is usually of your own family. . . my brother respected what he felt I should do.
But with his side it’s mainly with prayers and giving advice. The men that are patriarchs are responsible for our children—they’re kind of like father figures for our kids, for our children. And so that’s what they do. In the matriarch way, my sisters, we’re all mothers to our children. And then my brothers’ side, they have a different role—they are a father to the brother’s kids. And then my relation to them is they are my niece and nephew—they’re not my children, like my own children or my sister’s kids. There’s really a difference in the relationship. And then all my daughter’s kids, we call them “bitsóóké.” “Bitsóóké” is grandkids. So “bitsóóké” means more than one. So they’re all my “bitsóóké.” And then if my son had his children, they would be my “nali.” I have no nali because my son don’t have no children. But my daughters all have children, so they are my “sóóké.” So that’s the difference. And then the relationship is real different. On my husband’s side, Brenda, they call her “bízhí”—she’s a bízhí to my kids—it’s kind of like an aunt relation. But then my sisters are all “má yázhí”—they are my “little mothers” to my kids. And then my brothers are all “shidá’í’”—their uncle’s. It all changes. So that’s how it is. I remember watching an Arab show, or a Turkish show, and they called everybody “brother” and “sister.” I was like, “Hey, that sounds like ours!” I watched it. But anyway, that’s how it is. It’s different than matriarchs, mainly just taking leadership for the women.